Sophie's Choice and the Tortured Artist

            It is hard to think of an artist who has gone untortured. Pain is central to our concept of artistry. The word artist conjures up images of brooding, disaffected genius. While it may seem laughable or tenuous at first consideration, the connection between creativity and mental illness is one that is hard to shake. The Van Goghs, Beethovens, and Hemingways of history are artistic behemoths; men who created great beauty but destroyed themselves. Sophie’s Choice seems to imply that great beauty often cannot come without great ugliness, and that much of human greatness is tempered by human evil.

            Stingo in Sophie’s Choice is a tortured artist, although perhaps not in the classic sense. Stingo is not violent or overtly moody, but he is incredibly alienated and sexually frustrated. He feels totally cut off from the rest of humanity and is extremely distressed by his own virginity. This lack of comfort in himself and society is joined by panging guilt that he holds about his slaveholding ancestral past. These things that weigh on Stingo’s mind enable him to be productive, however. Many times in the book, personal heartache helps Stingo to find his voice, most notably after the suicide of a childhood love finally gives Stingo the inspiration for his book. Throughout the novel, Stingo’s suffering is tied to his creativity.

            Perhaps the most compelling depiction of this struggle between greatness and suffering lies in the character of Nathan. At his best, Nathan is the most intelligent, charming, and loving human being alive. At his worst, he’s a monster—a”golem,” a neighbor calls him. Part of what makes Nathan so compelling, his fiery conviction and impulsivity, is due to his disorder: paranoid schizophrenia. The question that the book raises is whether such human beauty must be tied to misery.

            So, that established, I’m going to ramble a little bit about my own thoughts on the subject in order to come closer to what I want to create using the inspiration this book has given me. The quandary of Sophie’s Choice that I have just discussed is perhaps my greatest existential challenge: are the things that I hate about myself really the things that make me? Are they the things that allow me to exist as an artist? I struggle with depression. This year I really began to feel depressed right after I finished playing Hamlet. It destroyed my confidence and, to a certain extent, my ability to act truthfully. I felt unable to access a part of myself that I need to act. Yet what I have also discovered is that my alienation and pain are what inspire me to create. Were I perfectly content, I’m not sure that there would be any reason to strive to express myself. I’ve written my best songs and poems in the wake of failures. I’ve consistently drawn on feelings of alienation and pain in my acting work. On a personal level, when I try to control my impulsivity or suppress the slightly unconventional bravado I naturally seem to affect, I become much less personally compelling.

            I think that the curse of the artist is having to be frank about our flaws and to admit that they might be necessary. I wouldn’t be who I am if I felt understood. I wouldn’t be able to create if I were content. So that’s a quandary and certainly something worth writing about or at least looking into further.